I can barely entertain the thought that my boy will be one this week.
I will be sharing a poem for him later on, but today I want to reflect on being a mama of two.
I find myself repeating phrases on the daily.
This is water.
All you can do is give it your best.
Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Fight for love.
One of my favorites for this year is show grace. I heard it said that if you are being hard on yourself, you are probably being hard on others. Show grace.
This year I cancelled last minute because I was overwhelmed, I cried because I just couldn't do it anymore and didn't call anyone to help. I've been too tired for sex, gone to sleep with my kitchen a disaster, flipped off my dog and cursed his name (stop laughing). I told my 3 year old to "please stop talking..." Whoops. I've had mac n cheese for dinner with no veggie side because boiling another pot of water is just too much.
When the nursery worker asked if Van had a "bag," I glanced around and saw all of the filled to the brim "Petunia and Pickle-whatever" bags filled abundantly with back-up bibs and I fished in my purse and handed her an empty wipe case as my sole belonging for him. We both laughed, her and I.
(side note: those bags are damn cute)
I have gone to church and the gym just for the childcare and guess what?
Not because I have given up on trying my absolute best, but because sometimes mac and cheese is my best. Just grace. Sometimes that's all we can give to one another.
That's where He seems to meet me. When I'm taking my morning shower after zero sleep and telling him, "Good Morning, Jesus..I need you. Be my strength and send HELP..."
He opens my eyes wide, though. He shows me, He walks with me.
This husband of yours, feel how He loves you so and choses you every single day. Let him snuggle you while you do dishes. This couple next to you in church is going to pray over you because I arranged that beautifully, embrace it; listen and heart open.
Those kids of yours, listen to them giggling down the hall and smile big down in your soul. Look in the mirror and see your young skin and moisturize it and be thankful for it.
Drive down the street and see those neighbors, those ones who are doing it too...raising babies with love and affection and teaching them to love God and love other people more than themselves. Beauty.
It's here. It's all around, the beauty of life. In the Mac and cheese, run out of wipes moments. In the awards given and nights out that feel like first dates. In the worship dance parties in the tent set up in our playroom.
This is the good stuff, right here.