I NEED YOU
Which do you want first? The good news or the bad?
You’re going to make it, that’s the great news; the not so great: there will be multiple points in motherhood where you feel as if you won’t make it.
Here are the facts. I’m going to shoot straight because, ain't nobody got time for dat and all that nonsense.
Motherhood has completely destroyed me. I have lost myself somewhere in the midst, time and time again. I have searched for something else because taking care of babies is literally the most unglamorous thing in the entire world.
It’s often far from the world's “greatness” and standards of success. They will stare at you when your baby is screaming and wonder who thought it was a good idea to leave house with that velociraptor in tow. The world can be harsh to us.
I have dealt with post partum depression attempting to steal my happiness and making me feel like I was all alone. I have nearly given up, multiple times. I can't tell you how many dinner’s that are aimed to be any sort of romantic for my sweet husband; turning into a food throwing/“you’re in time out/“I don't like sweet potatoes” crime scene. A full on crazy house. My husband and I look to catch eye contact, just so we know there is one other sane human in the home and that we’re raising this circus together.
Children completely flip your world upside down.
You can’t checkout on days when you just don’t feel like taking care of them. You can’t do a lot of the things you want to do, i.e.: sleep, backpack Europe, hang out with friends on Friday night (or ever).
You guys, it’s true. Having wee ones is the trenches. It’s truly a deep, deep hole that is multiple years and it’s borderline insane. That being said...
Do it. Have babies, adopt babies. multiple if you can. Guess what? It’s going to be the greatest thing. It’s going to be the hardest and greatest thing. You’re going to fall head over heels in love with a little soul that makes your world light up.
It’s going to be the moments of looking your little girl in the eyes and telling her how loved she is. You get to be the one to make sure she knows that. The silly questions, the “I love you’s,” the times when you want to just run away from your life because you can’t handle it. Yeah, that too.
So, do me a favor. Please. Surround yourself with other momma’s. Ones that you can look in the eye and tell the truth to. It might be just one person and that’s just fine. You need them to listen and love the hell out of you, it’s what you’re need to survive. They will remind you of who you are when you have lost yourself.
You CANNOT do this alone. You cannot do this without telling the truth. Grab your tribe. Don’t have one? It’s time to start looking, it’s tricky and takes work but it’s imperative that you find a few. Be a good friend, they will come. You’re people are out there. Make a pot of chicken chili and open your front door. Be available. Be non-judgmental and love their asses off. Show grace and encourage that mama like it’s the antidote. It will save her life. Hold her gently, raising babies is a sensitive time. Hold yourself in the same fashion, with the same warmth.
We all need a little more grace from one another, don’t we? Forgiveness, understanding, love..let’s pour it out lavishly. My guess is, if you aren’t pouring out the love to other’s, you probably aren't giving it to yourself either. This is a suffocating way to live, no one wins.
So, sisters. Here we are, in it. Not many of us sleeping, babies taking it out of us, emotionally, physically and so on. We need one another. Grab a hand and let’s do this. One of the most rewarding and challenging jobs in the universe. YOU GOT THIS. (until you don’t, then I got you).