The Half Dressed Tree
My ideal morning is feet up in my favorite chair, warmed by the fire, a latte and killer book in hand. This month, the tree is in view from my morning spot, it's soft lights and smell of pine adding brilliance to my quiet.
Our tree has the lower ornaments pilled in the box next to it, leaving the tree half dressed. I gave in and removed the balls that were being yanked off and found in the doggie bowl, among other places. I am reminded of my need for a perfect holiday. Theres something inside of me that wants to cage the tree and place each ornament 7.5 inches from the next. Themed, exact, a work of art, just so. Fighting for this is an obvious losing battle with Reese's love for all things plastic and glittery and Van's affinity for chucking anything sphere.
I feel the choice to lean in or fight. To say "yes" to the finger printed windows that would need a full time housecleaner to keep clean. The art table with paint dried thick is asking to be created on. Lean in. It's hard, my perfectionist recovering self likes things "just so." Even if it's messy, it's my messy.
Our christmas tree is a reflection of us, a very much in process, imperfect yet stunning and alive tree. I have a choice to notice just the ornaments out of place, or be invited to see more. To remember picking it out and making Drew open 20 because he used to work at a tree lot and gets all "in the zone," oh how I love watching him. To remember my girl as she placed each ornament as she bounced around in excitement and wonder. SO much to be thankful for. Some days are off and funky, some are full and wild. Embracing all of it the best I can seems to be the only way up.
I have felt God asking me to lean in a bit more, to expose another layer to Him so we can work on it together. To give over my need for control and perfection and land in his arms of grace and love, wild and free. I hear him lovingly say, "I got this, girl." (paraphrased) :)
Sometimes I forget that He has great things for me. That, yes, responsibility...but also, yes to sitting back and experiencing Him in new and profound ways. Noticing the tiny and big miracles and His creation because I have let go of my life enough to find and see. Just like my tree, full of story and wonder if you look a little harder. What if instead of seeing the imperfections as something I need to clean or fix, they are seen and embraced as an expected essential to life. That when things break or end up different than I imagined, I can ask what I need to learn or what I need to see.
Keep looking. Keep asking, keep searching for the good. Say yes to this messy life and cry and laugh as needed. Feel deeply and apologize. Learn and grow and allow yourself to be stretched.
Also, if you have a perfect tree and children, bless you and teach me your mighty and diligent ways.