Oh Hey.

Welcome to my space. I write honestly about motherhood, finding joy, Jesus, not quite fitting in and embracing the mess. Grab a latte & let's skip the small talk. 

-Jen

NOT SO SQUEAKY CLEAN

If you tune in, you will hear it and see it all abundant. The suppressing of the inside. Intermittently, the literal makeup is a mask to hide behind, other times we hide in our homes or behind our work or just by silence as soon as we enter the world. Our hearts all beat for love and belonging. We wonder if the innermost parts, the what happens at our worst..the mistake we made 10 years ago; the bad decision we made yesterday make us unworthy. We are taught to cover up real and it's hard to unlearn. It's brave and scary and sometimes a disaster when we uncover. We may be disowned, discouraged or slandered. 

It's chilling to be open with your mess. 

This is a nod to being in process. A sticky-messy-fingered window that we keep cleaning. We clean it knowing it will be messy again and guess what? That's okay. Keep cleaning, sister...but remember this..There is no such thing as a window that is clean 24-7. There's no such thing as a human being who does all the right things, says all the right words..has a clean slate..isn't dealing with guilt/pain/question about something and if not today, tomorrow. We can't bust our ass cleaning that window every second, or that's all we'll have time for. Embrace those prints, baby. 

There is no condemnation means there is no disapproval. Romans 8 says there is no blame under Christ Jesus because guess what, he came to wash our sins away. You guys, we all sin and sometimes there are gnarly consequences, that's the price. However, In the middle of our sin is when Jesus came to save us. WHILE WE WERE SINNING!!! (Romans 5:8) What a trip. That feels like he wanted to take our shame away, too. At our absolute worst he said yes to us. What a beautiful love story. I wonder if at you're absolute worst, you can say yes to you like Jesus did/does. You're worth the fight, that sometimes the journey is full of gnarly, gut-wrenching detours. I hope you can accept the being in process. I hope you can empty out the things you haven't forgiven yourself for. I hope you can drink grace in big pitchers and let it saturate your life. I hope you accept forgiveness and pass it on to others. 

I am still working on this. I feel comfortable when everyone thinks I'm perfect. Isn't that horrible? It's mostly the worst because it's a big fat lie. It's also insane because keeping that up is like a full time job. It's exhausting. Perfectionism and comparison and the like..it will ware you out like running a marathon with no dang medal at the end; just a bunch of emptiness. 

My wise old owl friend, Tiffany (she's not old at all, she's just wise as if she was) and I had a conversation about her new church. 

Me: "Are you liking your new church?" 

Tiff: Long pause. "It's like a family. Messy and real and a lot." 

Me: "Hm. It sounds like a place where you can come as you are." 

Tiff: "Yeah, I wouldn't feel comfortable in a perfect family or a house that was squeaky clean." 

Preach it, sis. Let's stop cleaning our homes and hearts until they show no fingerprints of the life that is within them. Let's open up instead and say yes to being in process. Let's set the pace by being comfortable in our incomplete selves. 

 

 

Reese Mae is 4

Being Okay With Not Being Okay

Being Okay With Not Being Okay