Learning to love my right now self
I escaped the driveway and felt a stiffness. I was graciously given a day of rest. 8am-6pm was ALL FREAKING MINE.
After a week of solo-parenting, I was ready to take care of me and it didn't take long to realize I NEEDED THIS.
I found myself defaulting to my normal go-to's when I get a day to myself. Run a few errands, throw in a quick pedicure and get back to help. (seriously, I totally do this?! I have problems)
I walked the aisles of Savers with a humungous coconut-milk latte in hand. A good 30 minutes passed; touching thick, old clothes, nice and slow. As each minute passed, I felt more and more connected to myself. Deep yoga breaths and singing along to the 90's tunes playing soft for the early morning bargain hunters.
I found a fabulous old leather clutch and held it by my hip. I saw so much of myself and my surroundings. Sometimes I forget to take care of myself. This is SO important.
I looked in the mirror and said outloud, "today, I'm celebrating you!"
A celebration of myself. I'm much more comfortable celebrating and taking care of others.
I took to my journal to a cozy booth and began writing who I am. I needed the reminder in order to celebrate who I am, I needed to remember who I am. Not who I was or who I wan't to be, but who I am, 29 in this 'ol booth.
Sensitive, confident, busy.
Driven, aware, loving.
Excited, silly, tired.
Wiser, dependent, stubborn.
Connected, mother, natural.
Open, scared, honest.
Oh, yes. This is just fine, who I am. Almost 30 and growing and learning. Every mile has been worth it. Not easy, but worth it and beautiful.
Thank you Lord for getting me here. What a good place to be. Getting older, roots in a bit deeper, much still to learn.
What I wrote down next blew my mind. It seemed to write itself on the page of my journal.
I want to love myself fiercely.
In doing this, I will be able to love others with that same fierce love. I have been gracious to myself at times, but also a very harsh critic. When I am harsh with myself, I seem to be harsh with others as well.
Love myself well so I can also love others well.
Simple but Oh so profound.
I spent the remainder of the day doing what I LOVE. Pouring into me and celebrating all that is me.
I wish for you to love yourself to the core, in this very moment. Just as you are RIGHT NOW. That you can begin with authentic self love and it will transform into authentic love for others.
So, I'm trying a few things. Let me know your ideas too, because I think we could all use a bit more self-love.
Grace for me when I don't get the house clean, ever.
Permission to be my quirky self, no matter my company.
Blast my favorite music and eat donuts without guilt because life is short.
Freedom to create even if it doesn't look quite like I hate imagined. Celebrate the process.
Be okay with life not being "how I thought it would be."
Starting over, turning around, asking for forgiveness and getting back up when I mess up.
So, cheers to celebration of life and self. I don't know what that looks like for you. Some of you are SO good at loving on yourself. I am so proud of you! Let's do this together.
Love to you.
Also- going to the movies and lunch alone is freaking therapy, jus sayin. Even though the waitress had me repeat, "a booth for one please?!" twice. It's fine.