People pleasing can get in the way of living. It can rob you of your actual soul.
An art project crumpled and thrown in the garbage because my professor disapproved.
Quitting a sport or instrument out of embarrassment because I messed up publicly.
Doing things to be seen or be liked, not because I actually want to do them.
Staying in unhealthy relationships to keep the other person satisfied.
Constantly running things by everyone, do YOU think this is okay? Would YOU do this?
Saving my opinion for my journal instead of speaking it loud.
Guests not invited in because our kitchen looks like the before photos, what would they think of me?
Not asking for what I need or want because others might judge.
My journey to knowing and loving myself started with my infamous honeymoon meltdown and well, still hasn't quite ended. Because of my old tendencies to please, I still have to stop and ask myself the following.
What do I want?
What do I need?
What do I think?
What is best for MY family?
What are my convictions? My values? My beliefs?
What can I/can't I do?
You see, when everything is for others, you lose your voice and soul. You forget how to listen to your inner voice. You become a chameleon and a prize. It feels weird to stand out and stand up for yourself.
I realized I could no longer keep pleasing everyone with my perfection when the same man kept showing up in my house and I could no longer hide (this is what happens when you get married, it's the SAME person day after day, who knew?!)
I broke open and it was ugly and so freeing. I started telling the truth about how I felt. I let my emotions show. It scared me to speak my mind and heart authentically and I thought it would scare others too.
Thankfully, I married a man who 1) Has an incredible poker face and 2) has a sissy who is 100% herself and 3) is an actual human too! Nothing seemed to shock him or drive him away. He was surprisingly okay with my mess.
The people who could handle my true, broken/beautiful self stayed and loved me. They listened and let me grow and fumble. These people are the real deal, I learned living from them. I learned about forgiveness and resilience. I watched people from the sidelines as they lived in freedom and truth to their bodies and minds. I started to believe that being exactly who you are is the most beautiful gift you can give to yourself and to others.
I decided to stop copying, stop comparing, and stop asking.
What's funny is, I was scared that the real me wouldn't be accepted. The real me with zits and hard days and days when I am SO EXCITED AND INSPIRED ABOUT EVERYTHING. The real me that is tragically messy and doesn't like showering (I know, I am so sorry..wait, no I'm not). The real me that let's my emotions rule, says inappropriate things and can be really harsh. The real me that struggles with body image and anger. The real me that is discerning and full of wisdom and discipline. The real me that has a hard time accepting love. The real me that is very, very loud. The real me that actually really likes myself.
Real people want the real you. I promise. The version of you that the world tells you to hide, I promise you..there are people who will say yes and love you just as you are. Be this person. Invite others tell the truth, let them come out of hiding. I believe the best way to do this is by example.
This is not a "everyone can suck it" way of living. It's more of a freedom from your toes to your nose, living. It's a nurturing and kind way of living. An understanding, open, magical living. A seeing others for who they are and not for what they can do for you, life. It's a giving and serving others out of joy, living. It's a grounded, vibrant, connected, understanding, youthful, honest, unattached to things, confident, celebratory, living.
Let's live it.